Hmm .. feel so sad today after I called my mum ... sad because she does not know Christ ... Not just that, the way of thinking is so different to mine ... she is a kind mother .. don't get me wrong .. she is the type of mother who would sacrifice everything for me and my brother jun ... very grateful for that .. It is just that, she works so hard, getting stress out and all that because she just wants to give the best for me? ... :(
Everytime i call her, she always talk about our shop, how hard life is, ask about my work, my salary, talk about how I can get more money faster, any chances, opportunities .. I feel sadddddddddddd .. so saddddddddd ... really sad ... :( .. I want to scream kali kalo bisa ... just to let it out ... Hmm .. writing a blog maybe is a good way for me to express my feeling now ... hehe .. I feel a little bit at ease now ..
I have always reminded her not to get too stress out, since it is not good for her health juga kan ya .. I told her that I can take care of myself now and there is no need to worry about my salary and all that since life is more than just getting money ... Surely there must be more than that in this life ... I am worried about her sometimes ... Today, I told her on the phone that I was bored talking about those stuffs, in a nice way of course sambil bergurau2 gitu .. :) .. I prefer that we talk about something lighter lah ya ... like: what I did today, the girl that I like, the kind of sport that I do, and anything new in my life, about God maybe, sharing lah basically ... haha .. I don't mind talking about the heavy stuffs but not all the time .. kayak udah di consumed banget, it seems unhealthy to me ... She paused for a while when I said that ... I think she kind of understand .. but being as she is, I know it is a bit hard to change ... hehe .. That I can understand ... she is my mum after all ... slowly kali ya ..
Well, talking about my mum, She is a very kind person, always try to do good to other people .. very ulett *salut salut* .. always work hard .. and her phylosophy is very child-centered ... She loves us unconditionally I think .. I still remember many things that she did for us .. When me or my brother was sick when I was in Malang/Surabaya, even if it is late at night, or in the morning she will come straight away to take care of me and Jun ... she always put us first above herself ... always want me to have the best even though we are not that rich ...
The last thing that I want on earth is actually to make her sad or unhappy, I am dead serious .... BUT SADLY, I might have to do it ... Why? coz the bible says: put God first above her ... and if what she wants me to do does not please God, I have to say a definite "no" ... That is really really hardd for me to do, knowing what she has done for me and all that and my personality juga kali ya ... hiks
About my mum, she actually shared quite a lot of stories with me ... I always enjoy her story about me and jun when we were still small .. She told the story on how I was born, my childhood story lah .. I think it was more happier times those days ... she also told me how naughty she was when she was a kid, how she got to know papa, her boyfriends ... hahaha .. so funny ...
Decided today to ring her and papa more often .. at least once a week ... hmm ... at least I want to keep more communication lah .. and also I really hope that i can have the opportunity to share gospel with her and papa this coming december ... pls pray for me and my family ya so that we can know how much God loves us .... ^^
Luke 12
4"I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. 5But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him
Luke 12
52From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. 53They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
God God, please turn my mourning into dancing ... please turn my sorrow into joy.
4 comments:
just ask her would she be happy if you are happy? judging from what you said, I guess she would say yes, then say that you are happy because of bla bla bla... and then you can start sharing the gospel :]
hehe .. thanks anonymous ..
yea its hard isnt it, hwne the whole point of them paying much was to give u better education / trainning for u to have a better life.. and now it 'seems' that u dun want that 'better life'.
got a crazy idea (pls think carefully if want to apply): me just wondering, would give back much to ur parents, and to ministry generously, and live on the 'just enough' state be a good statement to ur parents, that " materials are not the one that bring you satisfaction in life".? would that stop ur mum from being too stressful at the shop too?
yeah ... dont really know what to do at the moment .. Just think that the problem is not with my mum being stressed ... but about her believing in the true God .. Once that happens, her way of thinking will change also rite?
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